• “Refuse to say the “F word”  (I have Fibromyalgia  and it has rearranged my life but I’m not going to let it rule me anymore.  My middle name isn’t Fibromyalgia and my blog isn’t about illness.”

Well, I was wrong and I am scratching it off my list.  Fibromyalgia is a part of me and it is impossible to not write about it since it is one of  “the many facets of donna”  which is the title of my blog.  Unfortunately, it is also part of many other people as well.  I have decided that instead of trying to hide it I need to help people understand it.  

It just occurred to me that many people don’t know what fibromyalgia even is or don’t realize just what it really means to a person who has it.  I mean, I didn’t know what it was when they told me I had it.  The truth is a person that has this will look perfectly normal.  They don’t look broken…….. they are not bruised or bleeding.  They don’t have a deformity that makes their condition obvious either.  And, many doctor’s don’t understand it themselves!  Many people go from doctor to doctor for years trying to figure out what is wrong with them actually hoping, as I did, that a test would show something wrong because any answer, no matter how bad, is better than not knowing.  Fibromyalgia is INVISIBLE but it is real…and there is no cure.  I deal with pain every day and so do a lot of other people who have Fibromyalgia and other “invisible” diseases or syndromes.

According to Wikipedia, Fibromyalgia is defined as…

fi·bro·my·al·gia/ˌfībrōmīˈalj(ē)ə/

Fibromyalgia causes a lot of pain and a lot of different types of pain.  I have muscle pain, joint pain, and nerve pain.  It can even affect tendons, ligaments and other connective tissues.  That is why I feel as if my bones are hurting when it is actually the connective tissue.   Sometimes I feel like I have a charlie horse in between my ribs.  That’s the connective tissue.  The nerve pain is the most irritating.  You know that ‘pins and needles’ feeling you sometimes get when your arm goes to sleep.  It’s kind of like that only it feels more like bees stinging me over and over and nothing makes it go away but time.  30 seconds of nerve pain seem like an eternity!  I live with this pain all the time…every day and night.  I actually have an implanted device in my hip that controls the worse pain through electronic stimulus and I have a remote for it that I have to carry with me every where I go so I can turn it up or down when needed.

I hate it when I go to church or run into someone at the grocery store and they smile and say, “hey, how are you doing?”  because I know they really don’t want to know.  I hurt.  I love it when a doctor asks where I am hurting.  It would be much easier to tell them where I don’t hurt and that could change any time.

Fibromyalgia also comes with a lot of fatigue and sleep problems.  A friend of mine who also has fibromyalgia can’t get enough sleep no matter how tired she is and I am always sleeping.  I feel like I’m sleeping my life away.  I want to get up in the morning and see the sun shining in my windows and feel the fresh air at dawn……. but many times I wake up in the afternoon after going to bed early and sleeping all night and I still feel tired.  Sometimes I have slept a full 24 hours at a time.  I slept through Thanksgiving and Christmas and my husband made the holiday dinners.

Fibromyalgia is also coupled with many other problems.  I had no idea that these problems I had were all related.  I have RLS (Restless Leg syndrome)  and migraines which are some of them.  I have horrible dry eyes and have to put ointment in my eyes at night and heavy oil drops in my eyes during the day.  That is also connected to Fibromyalgia as well as being highly sensitive to medications and everything else.  I can’t handle the recommended doses of the medications they use to treat Fibromyalgia or I would be sleeping all day all the time.  I also am allergic to a lot of soaps and cleaners and get random, unexplained rashes.  There are many other things that are also related conditions but really, the point that I am trying to make is how hard this is on the people who have this.  It seems as if they are falling apart at the seams and many people think it’s all in their heads…… or that they have become a hypochondriac.  People start to distance themselves from them and they feel alone.  I should say I feel alone.  When friends are going hiking I can’t go because even walking around the block is a challenge for me.  I can’t go skiing because I have even more pain when I get cold.  Just going outside to get in my car in winter time causes me to have too much pain so I miss going to church and most of the time my husband does all the shopping so I can stay home and warm.  Even the walking around in the grocery store  is hard for me now but I used to love some of these things.  I used to be normal! I used to love riding my bike really fast and far….  I loved walking my dog down to the river.  I never had any of these problems until 3 or 4 years ago.  Slowly over time it has grown into a huge Elephant standing between me and normalcy.

The hardest thing(s) about having Fibromyalgia has been losing my job and losing my friends…. being socially alienated. I loved my job as a CNA/Endo Tech  but had to quit because I didn’t want to harm anyone.  A CNA is strength and support for someone that is weak, someone who doesn’t make errors when performing tests or taking biopsies or other specimens.  Someone who is sure when they are scared.  I was when I started but then I became weak and less sure of myself.  I was always exhausted with dark circles under my eyes and my hands shook making patients unsure of me.  When I was in pain my thinking wasn’t clear.  I worried that I would make a mistake or let someone fall.  So I quit the best job I ever had.  Now I am a “stay at home mom” to 2 teenage boys that no longer need me.  Actually, a lot of the time it seems as if the roles have been reversed.  When I can’t get out of bed one of my boys will make and bring me something to eat.  My youngest son has taken it upon himself to make sure I drink enough water.  Sometimes when I’m having one of my marathon sleeping sessions my oldest son will wake me up with a bowl of soup or sandwich or my youngest son will have a bottle of water for me – telling me I haven’t drank anything for x amount of  hours.

I’m not telling you this so you will feel sorry for me.  I’m telling you this because there are other people who have this too…maybe you work with them or maybe they are even part of your family.  Maybe you think they are crazy.  According to the National Arthritis Foundation, “The typical fibromyalgia patient is a woman between the ages of 30 and 50 years. Prevalence studies in the United States indicate that fibromyalgia affects about three to five percent of adult women and about 0.5 percent of adult men. Prevalence increases with age but the syndrome is also seen in children.”  If you think about how many people there are that is actually quite a lot!  So if you know someone with this PLEASE be considerate.  Be there for them.  Don’t let them hurt alone – in silence.  It is hard enough to deal with the pain and all of the issues without feeling like you have no friends or loved-ones who understand.

Below is a poem that I wrote when I was in horrible pain.  Back before the doctors had figured out what it was.  This was a very low point in time for me and many other people feel this too.

Broken

I’m broken
My body ebbs with pain
Never ceasing
Never tame

I want to be whole again
And do my part
Help shoulder the burden
That I helped start

From where I sit
I see things undone
I’m taunted, haunted
By things undone

I pray for relief
I long to break free
Let me out of this prison
that no one can see

I’m broken
Wondering why
Please dear God
Hear my cry

Copywrite Donna Capps

AKA Kay Raisy

Okay, so then I took some stuff and after a while started to feel better.  Yay.  I started thinking about Valentine’s Day and what I could do for my husband this year since I have no money.  I need to get creative.  My husband isn’t into the cheesy stuff so I need to think of something sweet, unique and cheap.  Hmmmmmm  anyway, I ended up going pinterest crazy.  I pinned about a million things today.  I was going to put some here but couldn’t decide which ones and there are a lot.  So you can click here to check out my pin board called “My Valentine So Sweet“.  If you need an invite to pinterest just holla!  Of course I didn’t find what I was looking for……  but I will figure it out.

Then, when I decided I wanted to watch American Idol my TV wouldn’t work….. you know the TV that is networked to the whole house.   I wish I could just turn on cable and watch TV like normal but noooooooooooooooooooooooo.  I was so bummed because this is the first year I have ever watched American Idol while it’s going on.  I’ve only watch youtube after it was over…… sometimes years later LOL  I actually just watched the last two years this winter…..backwards.  Not actually backwards but I watched 2011 first and then I watched 2010.  Of course I didn’t see nearly as much as there was since youtube deletes everything.  Anyway, I was pretty upset that I couldn’t watch the show but my kids told me to just wait because it looked like it was being recorded.  It was set to record as a backup.  That was a good idea!  Well, after the show was over and recorded my kids started working on it and now at almost midnight it is actually working!  So, I can finally watch American Idol today…. and tomorrow since it will be past midnight when it’s over.

So, bad day……… good day….. bad day…..good day…. done!!!!!!!!

I love trying to think of ways to use what would otherwise be waste for something useful.  I’ve seen a lot of uses on pinterest.com for toilet paper rolls lately and I think that’s great. There are some beautiful things made with them like this…..

See? I love that!

So anyway, I was trying to get ride of some clutter and I was thinking… What can you make with old CD’s?  I also had a stack of old magazines that I hated to just waste.

Here’s what I did.  I found a page in a magazine with some pretty flowers and traced around the CD with a fine tip marker.

Cut out the circle staying on the inside of the line you traced.

Then look through the magazine for words or letters that you can add to the picture.  There are so many things you can do.  You can also cut rectangles out of colored sections to “frame” the text you want to use.

I used a glue stick to position them on my background piece.

After I had that finished I used a flat paint brush and applied a thin layer of Mod Podge to the CD.  I carefully positioned the circle of paper to the cd trying to push out wrinkles and air bubbles.  You need to try to avoid the center area where there is a hole in the CD.  You don’t want to push through the paper that is softened by the mod podge.  After that has dried brush a layer of Mod Podge over the top and if you want you can touch a bit to the back where the hole is to strengthen it.  Once that is dry you can embellish with some paint or markers, stickers, etc and then add another layer of mod podge to seal it.  No need to worry about newspaper to cover the table.  Just use the magazine.  I also found that glossy magazine pages are great for mixing paint on.  Use Super glue or hot glue to add a magnet to the back of your CD.  There are so many things you can do!  Paint the CD with chalk board paint or glue a paper pocket for holding  coupons or other things you want to remember.  You could even take a large paperclip and bend the top out at slight angel in the middle.  Use hot glue to add it to the back for a wall hanger.

Add a quote you like or a motto to help you through a challenge like weight loss.  The refrigerator is a great place for a reminder if you are trying to eat healthier.

I found another useful idea too.   I made this so my kids will know when the dishwasher needs to be emptied and when they can put their dirty dishes in the dishwasher instead of filling up the sink.

I blotted orange and gold acrylic paint around the edges to give it a boarder.  After that dried I added another coat of modge podge to seal it.  I also used a nail file on the edge once it was dry to get rid of any overlapping paper.

The word “Clean” was right on the cover of a Real Simple magazine so that was easy.  At first I was really frustrated trying to find the word “dirty” or letters that looked good together.  I really wanted the font to be the same.  I thought I was going to have to print something and then I found the phase “dinner party” in the same magazine.  All I had to do was snip the parts I wanted and paste them together.

What have you upcycled?

Well, when I got around to looking at the recipes I found a couple I really wanted to try.  Tonight I made “Crunchy Chicken Tenders” and they were really good!  The recipe cards are by Everyday cooking my way just in case you want to buy a new house to house some new recipe cards….or, you can just snag those free ones like I did (and scan them).  I was going to check and see if these are just an updated version of the recipe cards I collected when I first got married (20 years ago) but I can’t remember which cabinet I stuck them in.

I completely forgot to make the dip but I’ll do that next time.  I have enough ingredients to make this again and I WILL make this again since everyone in my family actually ate the same meal for once.   There is also another recipe I really want to try.  My husband can’t wait.

The NaBloPoMo Prompt for today is….

How do you feel about not finishing a book once you’ve read a few chapters?

I can’t not finish the book unless it is REALLY REALLY REALLY bad.  Otherwise I will always wonder if I missed something and it could POSSIBLY get better at some point.  AND, no matter how bad the story is I HAVE to know how it ended.  There have been times when I’ve stuck it out and ended up really enjoying the ending.  There have, of course, been other times when I just told everyone to never read it, removed any evidence that I touched it and donated it to a thrift store in case some poor unsuspecting soul might actually like it.  There has only been one book that I didn’t finish and it hit the wall on the other side of the room before the end of the first chapter.  I’m not telling what book it was since I don’t remember.  So, what about you?  Do you ever STOP reading a book?

We had a great lunch at the Thai House.  We both order the same thing every time.  I don’t go as often anymore but my husband goes pretty often with people from work.  They don’t even ask him what he wants anymore.  They took my order and then said “spicy or no spicy?” and then to my husband, “Heineken, or you work?  I thought that was cute.  Those ladies have been there for a long time.  They are the same ladies that worked there when I worked at the bank nearby.

When I got home I was really aching so I couldn’t concentrate enough to read.  I decided to make another ladybug card since the stuff was still stacked on the counter.  That is the nice thing about painting……  you can just play and that doesn’t take much concentration. I have been looking at various styles of art lately and I saw some pointillism and I saw a watercolor painting where they sprayed it with water to blur the colors and make it look like it was raining.  I really liked that last one because it did look like it was raining AND it actually blurred parts of the picture which, if you think about it, is actually how it is.  You can’t see as well when clouded over and pouring rain.  So I made my “Rainy Day Ladybug” by using a little of both techniques.  It was fun to relax and just play.  I used my inktense pencils and the rate I’m going I’m going to use them up pretty fast.  I really love the rich colors.

So now I have three ladybug cards and the swap was for two.  Then my husband told me I had some mail.  I figured it was just junk mail but there was actually some goodies!  I got a newsletter from Debbie Macomber.  Even if I don’t read all of her books I just love seeing her cheerful face and reading what she’s up to.  I also got a new catalog/newsletter from Handy Hands which is where I buy my tatting threads.  The newsletter comes with a free pattern.  And then I saw this bright pink envelope.  It was the ATC cards from my swap partner!  I opened it up and there was this cute card and 3 ATC cards!  So that means I can send her three too!  Now I’m really anxious to get mine in the mail to her.  These are really cute!  The last one has a little patch of fabric sewn on and the ladybug is painted on the fabric.

Well the NaBloPoMo Prompt for today is

What have you recently started that you know you’ll finish?

That would be my crocheted Wool-eater blanket.  I’ve added a few more rows and I’m trying to get it finished by the end of the month so I can have it ready to be donated to a child in the Pediatric Department of the hospital.   It’s a Project Linus blanket.  I haven’t worked on it much today but I’ll be feeling better tomorrow.  Hopefully I’ll get a lot done in the next few days.

Anyway, I was trying to crochet when my husband came home from work.  I was going to cook a pizza today but my husband did it instead since I wasn’t feeling well.  The pizza was so good!  Yum.  Riley is still moping from yesterday and even though we had some yummy pizza he wouldn’t come out.  He is very mad at his dad.  Oh well..  A little later he finally came out and got some.

Here is my picture for my 365 Project.  It is an oil painting I did when I was about 15 or so.  I found it at my mom’s house when we went down for the funeral.

Well tomorrow should be better.  I found out my prescription did get done but for some reason they didn’t fax it to my pharmacy and it’s at the clinic for me to pick up.  Of course I didn’t find that out until they were closed.  Tomorrow my husband is going to pick me up so we can go pick it up and get it filled.  He said we could also go to the Thai House for lunch!  YUM!  My favorite!

After that we went to Value Village where I looked all over the whole store but didn’t buy anything but books!  A friend turned me on to Clive Cussler and now I’m addicted.  I had already bought a bunch of his books.  I have a notebook of all the books I want and check them off when I get them.  That keeps me from buying it multiple times which I have done several times before.  Ol’ Clive has several different series so I listed them all down by series and in order.  I was really hoping to find the last two books in the Issac Bell series.  There are only 4 and I’m on the second one.  Well I found a bunch of other books I didn’t have but not the two I was looking for.  Some of them were really old so I got them pretty cheap.  After that we went to two more book stores but still didn’t find the books I was after.  Then we went shopping and I ended up buying the next book new.  I hate buying books new since I don’t keep them after I read them.  So I ended up getting 10 books for $29.  Not too bad for the money…… it is however, bad for my resolution I made to not buy any more books.  I’m supposed to be reading the books I have and getting rid of them.  I guess I can’t help it.  HELLO, MY NAME IS DONNA AND I AM A BOOKAHOLIC

While we were out we saw a RAINBOW.  I couldn’t believe it.  It is 10 below F and just as we were making a turn we could see behind this smoke billowing up the end of a rainbow.  We never did see the other end and of course I didn’t get a chance to take a picture.  Bummer.  It was really pretty out and not too cold although I still would like it to be warmer by about 90 degrees.

My youngest son Riley, the 15 year old, and his dad didn’t fair well today.  My husband stepped into his room before we left to ask him what size shoes he needed.  Riley smarted off to him I guess and was very disrespectful.  He was cocky because he just had a birthday and he was playing his games and wearing his new clothes his grandma sent him.  He didn’t think his dad could LEGALLY take away things that he was given for birthday’s and Christmas’s.  He actually threatened to call the police.  My husband told him he knew some of them and played cards with them.  Riley didn’t think that was funny.  He ended up swearing at his dad.  He said some things that made ME want to duck.  I have to say, my husband is a heck of a man to not have beat him to death.  He didn’t even touch him because he was afraid he was too angry.  He did take away everything even remotely fun that was in his room.  Every video game and the systems that run them.  He took the shopping bags from out groceries and loaded them up.  Riley is still moping in his room.  He went outside for a while which he expected to get us upset.  He’s done that before but when it was much colder.  This time I didn’t bite.  I could tell he was right outside by Blue’s perked up ears.  She does that when she can hear people walking in the yard.  I would bet, if I had any money, that after a few days he will start cleaning up everything and being extra nice in the hopes that he can get his stuff back early.  That won’t work though after what he said to his dad.

Anyway, I almost forgot to post my ATC cards that are for the ladybug swap.  The first one is the one I just did with colored pencils and watercolor Inktense pencils and the second one I did last September with colored pencils.

I know, I have big feet don’t I?  But isn’t that a beautiful color of polish?  I didn’t actually paint my finger nails because then I wouldn’t be able to read or crochet until they dry.  I wouldn’t  be able to pet my sweet puppy either and that would be so sad.

Blue relaxing in my lap and nudging my hand every time I try to type.

I did work on the wool eater blanket a little but not as much as I’d like.  My hands are really achy.  I have spent a lot of time on pinterest and browsing the internet for more things to pin.

The NaBloPoMo Prompt for today is..

Which do you enjoy more – the start of a book or the end?  The middle.  Not all books but I’d say most start off slow….  ”On a dark and stormy night”….  Anyway, sometimes I can’t seem to really get into a book until until a chapter or two in.  The middle is where is gets exciting!  That’s the meat of the story you know?  The ending is always sad to me because, unless it’s a series, that is the END….  And endings are sad.  That’s when I start wondering what happened to so’n so and what about the creepy dude that wasn’t actually the killer? Isn’t someone going to do something about him too???    What about that matchbook left on the table that was a clue to where to find the bad guy’s location?  Isn’t someone going to put those away before a kid burns down the whole place? You know, all of those millions of questions I always have.

Okay, I think I’m going to go get my watercolor pencils out and make some ATC cards.  I’m doing a swap with a group and we are doing ladybugs.  I have a idea brewing so I better get moving.

For my 365 Project, this is Riley playing with his new birthday present.

Today was my youngest son’s birthday.  He turned 15!  I just can’t believe that the baby I carried is practically a man.  I should have gotten him razors for his birthday because he has a bit of a mustache.  He’s kinda lucky because whatever he didn’t get for Christmas he ends up getting for his birthday right after Christmas.  He got video games of course.. but they may end up locked up if he doesn’t keep his grades up.  He had a pretty good time and enjoyed his pizza and ice-cream cake.  They put a lot of blue coloring in the whipped cream frosting so now we all have blue tongues.

My older son will be 18 in 3 months and he is FINALLY doing what he is supposed to be doing….or so it seems.  I talked to his counselor and found out exactly what he needed to do to graduate.  He is short credits because he was sick so much one year.  He doesn’t want to do anything but play video games and he’s already signed up for extra web-based AP classes through BYU.  He should have finished them already since he signed up this summer but he has a year to finish them but I reminded him that he didn’t really had a whole year if he wants to graduate with his class.  If he doesn’t finish those on time he will get F’s and be 1.5 credits short.  He has a great opportunity to get college classes for some of his classes but he has to do them on his own time.  I did mention how lucky he was because he can get college credits now for much cheaper than he will be able to in college.  I told him he should go online and check out the difference and he did.  He was shocked!  I also told him to look into how much it cost to live on campus or rent a cheap apartment….. how much is electricity, and fuel and internet to play video games all the time.  How much money would he need to feed himself?  Because he is going to have to start support himself soon.  That gave him something to think about.  Well I told him yesterday that he would have to ditch the AP classes and just sign up for some easy electives to make up for those missing credits because I didn’t think he could pass these extra AP classes in such a short time.  I was trying a little reverse psychology like my dad did on me.  My dad would tell me I couldn’t do something because I was a girl and wasn’t strong enough.  It made me so mad and so I would try until I could do it.  It wasn’t until much later that I realize that was his plan all along.  Well, it seems it might have worked on my son.  He came home telling me he needed to finish the classes he was working on and get the finals ordered.  He had a paper for me to sign for him to take another class but it was still an AP class.  It ‘s English Composition or Freshmen Composition or something like that and at the end he can take the AP final for college credit.  The last few times I stepped into his room he was working on his classes.  I’m so glad to see him finally trying.

Anyway, I’ve been working on my Wool-eater blanket some more.  I added another strip of the same bright blue I used before and then I have half a strip of a very green teal color.  It didn’t have a label so I have no idea what the color actually is but if you take a bright Christmas green and add some blue it would be close.  I tried to take a picture but it just doesn’t pick that color up right……  it just looks blue.  It really picks out the green in the bright variegated.  I tried taking a lot of different pictures in different light but just couldn’t get a better shot with my iphone.  In this picture it is laying on my sage green counter and you can see the counter doesn’t look sage green.

If you want to learn how to make this there is a video now by Teresa (Crochet Geek).  She makes great instructional videos!  She is teaching the square version.  It’s called Crochet Wheel Stitch Square with Post Stitch.  I think I’ll make it with this video next.  Here are the written instructions http://crochet-mania.blogspot.com/2009/06/crochet-wheel-stitch-square-catherines.html

I also found a few places where this pattern is called “Catherines Wheel”.  Here is a link to a really nice pattern on Favcrafts 

I really enjoy this pattern.  Now that I know the pattern I can do it without thinking much and it is actually very relaxing.  I think everyone should crochet or knit…….. than this world would be a much better place.   There would be no road rage because everyone would be making sweaters.

Okay, so the NaBloPoMo prompt for today is

If you miss the first few minutes of a movie, do you still want to watch the rest of it?  No.  I’ll start it over or watch it later.  I especially hate it if there are words at the beginning and I don’t get a chance to read them.

So, what else have I been doing with my day?  I’ve been taking a trip back in time and watching 80′s music videos and church lady skits on youtube!  I have been laughing so much it hurt worse that before but oh it was soooooooooo funny!  one thing I didn’t realize was how cheezy those 80′s music video’s really were.  If you watch Tiffany’s “all this time”…..  you can see what I mean.  There are a few spots where all you can see is here hair floating around…….odd.