Hope

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I always have had a hard time pulling myself back up from a tragedy.  It’s not easy but some people just cope better than others.  Some people can hurt openly and without shame.  I always forget it’s okay to hurt…  it’s okay to cry.  I still hurt very deeply for my mom but I hold back the tears.  Not too long ago I was amazed by a friend of mine who wanted so desperately to get pregnant.  She hadn’t gotten pregnant for 9 years and suddenly she was.  She said she was waiting for God to decide it was time for her to be a mother.  Well, I guess it wasn’t time but it was a test of strength.  She went into preterm labor and the baby died shortly after.  She didn’t even get to hold the baby boy she had.  He was whisked off immediately and she only got to hold him after he passed away.  His name was Nicholas Christian. 

I cried and cried for my friend.  It really broke my heart.  I actually avoided talking to her because I couldn’t deal with the hurt.  How selfish is that?  Well when I finally got up the nerve to call her back I was shocked to listen to her cheer ME up?!?!  She was talking through tears, I could tell, but she also has this emence faith that it’s impossible to explain.  I wish I could have a fraction of the faith she has. 

Well, if you are wondering where this came from I just read a blog of someone who must have visited my blog.  She lost a baby too and it was a very sad story….. but it left me with a reminder of the HOPE my friend spoke of.  My friend told me she was sure the Lord was going to give her another baby and if she had a girl she would name her “Cherish Hope”  because she really does. 

There is a song that makes me think of my friend and the message she was trying to get across to me.  It’s called It Might be Hope by Sara Groves.

You do your work the best that you can
you put one foot in front of the other
life comes in waves and makes its demands
you hold on as well as you’re able

You’ve been here for a long long time

But hope has a way of turning its face to you
just when you least expect it
you walk in a room
you look out a window
and something there leaves you breathless
you say to yourself
it’s been a while since I felt this
but it feels like it might be hope

It’s hard to recall what blew out the flame
it’s been dark here since you can remember
you talk it all through to find it a name
as days go on by without number

You’ve been here for a long long time

But hope has a way of turning its face to you
just when you least expect it
you walk in a room
you look out a window
and something there leaves you breathless
you say to yourself
it’s been a while since I felt this
but it feels like it might be hope

One more song by Sara, Less like scars

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