Tag Archives: resolutions

Ringing in the New Year: 2013

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This is kinda written in response to the wordpress writing challenge although most of it was already pondered upon and pressed….

Writing Challenge: New Year’s Resolutions (Doompocalypse Redux)

Feel free to join us. click the link above to read about the challenge.
(Imagine there is a space here)

I don’t really do the resolution thing… at least not the way most people do.  I do a couple of different things.  First I have my list of goals to work on throughout the year.  Not a lot of things – just 2 or 3 tops.  I write them in the front of my journal so that I see them every time I open it – which is usually every day or more often.  I keep track of some items in my journal and journal about my progress.  I don’t like to make “resolutions” that are fast forgotten.

I also make a “to do” list for the year.  This list is pretty extensive and more of a wish list sometimes.  Sometimes I just can’t afford to do some of the things on the list or I need help – like with painting a room in the house.  It is okay though.  This is the time of year when I look at what I accomplished,  cross off what I can and add a few more things.  What didn’t get done just stays on the list for the next year.  The idea in this is that when I get to the end of the year I don’t feel like it was all wasted.  When I flip through my journal or look back at my blog I know my time was well spent.  It wasn’t always that way.  Sometimes I would get into this rut of just waking up and going to work, coming home tired and going to bed.  That was because of my health.  I was working so hard I didn’t have any energy to spend time with my family.  Now I enjoy listening to my kids talk about their days or music or whatever.  I can sit at the table and have dinner with them.  Time is precious and needs to be used wisely.

Anyway, my basic goals are always to lose weight and to get organized.  Surprise, surprise huh?  With my health problems I have a hard time exercising.  When I’m in pain I don’t want to move so I gain weight.  My doctor says says that it is important to exercise as much as possible and that it will actually help with pain.  She’s the doctor so I’m doing my best to follow orders.   I cut some things out of my diet and managed to get some health issues under control that way (which is pretty cool I think).  I managed to stop gaining weight but didn’t really sustain any real weight loss.  I’m just grateful that I’m not still gaining.  This year that is my biggest focus because it isn’t just a matter of how I feel about myself anymore.  Being overweight sets me up for all kinds of other health risks, including diabetes which runs in my family.  My mom died of a heart attack and I’m going to do everything I can to avoid that happening to me.  I’m using a website called MyFitnessPal.com  to track what I eat and it really helps a lot.  I’ve made some friends on there that are in the same boat I am.  They are also trying to lose weight while dealing with chronic pain.  It is amazing to have such an amazing support group that will cheer me on but also understands when I’m not feeling well.

I’m about to set a fresh new goal for this year and take new measurements.  I think I’m going to break my “wish”  for my overall weight-loss into smaller attainable goals.  I think if I lost 10 lbs I would feel pretty darn good and that would give me some “FIRE” to keep going.  So I’m going to do that and just keep working on smaller goals.  Of course exercising every day, even a little, is a task on my list.  Sometimes it just isn’t possible but I’ll do what I can.  I got some advice from a friend of mine that I am working on trying too.  He said to eat what I want but only half.  That is a new concept for me since I grew up being told to clean my plate.  I hate to see anything go to waste so I eat it all.  So I’m going to work on that and put half away for another meal.

Last year, one of the things I added to my list was so stop using the “f word” meaning fibromyalgia.  I thought that I should not talk about it and only focus on positive things.  It didn’t take me long to realize that was not the right thing to do.  Sure, I need to focus on positive things but this is part of me and acting like everything is normal is not the answer.  I realized that there are a lot of people out there that don’t understand what fibromyalgia really is.  Many people and sadly even some doctors don’t believe it is a real thing.  Well, what I feel is real and if there was a solution I’d be first in line.  I really think it is more likely that it is a symptom of something they haven’t yet figured out.  They need to do more research to find out and that means more people need to know about it.  That is when I decided to add that blurb about fibromyalgia to the top of my blog.  I also thought maybe if other people with fibromyalgia could see what I accomplish with this than others will be encouraged.

This past year, in working on my to-do list, I was able to get a lot of de-cluttering done.  Now I am going to keep going on that.  I found this website that has a calendar for each month.  Each day there is a task to work on for 15 minutes.  I think I’ll give that a try and see how it fits in with the areas I want to clean.  Mainly I just need to use some of the things I’ve bought for crafts and let some things go. I have a LOT of yarn.  I’m decided to use that yarn to make blankets for Project Linus.  I’m the coordinator for my area and I’ve had a hard time keeping it going.  I have decided to make working on Project Linus my 3rd goal this year.  I’m going to work on getting people to help out and make lots of blankets.

Last year one of my goals was to finish what I started.  I tracked down some unfinished projects and finished them!  That felt really good!  I also concentrated on finishing one thing before starting the next.  Some people call it multitasking but usually I just end up with a bunch of unfinished stuff.  I did get a lot more done this year and knit, crocheted, and tatted several things.  I also read a bunch of books!  And the books I read have been passed on to others or donated.  I’m also not buying new books but getting ebooks instead.  These little things all make a difference.

So I have my new journal – two actually.  One is a journal to write in daily and one is a smash journal.  I like to use smash journals for projects and pictures.  My main goals are already written in the front and I’m ready to get started.

Of course I have my new list of Twenty Wishes that I want to work on too.  It is interesting to me how this list seems to incorporate many of the things on my yearly list but it is much shorter.  I got the idea for that list from a book.

Now to start working on my lists instead of making them!  Here’s to a good 2013!

Nay to doomsayers!

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Sometimes Resolutions can be wrong

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I just figured something out and it took about 27 days to get there.  I was thinking about my resolutions that I made and one of them has been kind of hard for me to keep.

  • “Refuse to say the “F word”  (I have Fibromyalgia  and it has rearranged my life but I’m not going to let it rule me anymore.  My middle name isn’t Fibromyalgia and my blog isn’t about illness.”

Well, I was wrong and I am scratching it off my list.  Fibromyalgia is a part of me and it is impossible to not write about it since it is one of  the many facets of donna”  which is the title of my blog.  Unfortunately, it is also part of many other people as well.  I have decided that instead of trying to hide it I need to help people understand it.  

It just occurred to me that many people don’t know what fibromyalgia even is or don’t realize just what it really means to a person who has it.  I mean, I didn’t know what it was when they told me I had it.  The truth is a person that has this will look perfectly normal.  They don’t look broken…….. they are not bruised or bleeding.  They don’t have a deformity that makes their condition obvious either.  And, many doctor’s don’t understand it themselves!  Many people go from doctor to doctor for years trying to figure out what is wrong with them actually hoping, as I did, that a test would show something wrong because any answer, no matter how bad, is better than not knowing.  Fibromyalgia is INVISIBLE but it is real…and there is no cure.  I deal with pain every day and so do a lot of other people who have Fibromyalgia and other “invisible” diseases or syndromes.

According to Wikipedia, Fibromyalgia is defined as…

fi·bro·my·al·gia/ˌfībrōmīˈalj(ē)ə/

Noun:
A chronic disorder characterized by widespread musculoskeletal pain, fatigue, and tenderness in localized areas.

Fibromyalgia causes a lot of pain and a lot of different types of pain.  I have muscle pain, joint pain, and nerve pain.  It can even affect tendons, ligaments and other connective tissues.  That is why I feel as if my bones are hurting when it is actually the connective tissue.   Sometimes I feel like I have a charlie horse in between my ribs.  That’s the connective tissue.  The nerve pain is the most irritating.  You know that ‘pins and needles’ feeling you sometimes get when your arm goes to sleep.  It’s kind of like that only it feels more like bees stinging me over and over and nothing makes it go away but time.  30 seconds of nerve pain seem like an eternity!  I live with this pain all the time…every day and night.  I actually have an implanted device in my hip that controls the worse pain through electronic stimulus and I have a remote for it that I have to carry with me every where I go so I can turn it up or down when needed.

I hate it when I go to church or run into someone at the grocery store and they smile and say, “hey, how are you doing?”  because I know they really don’t want to know.  I hurt.  I love it when a doctor asks where I am hurting.  It would be much easier to tell them where I don’t hurt and that could change any time.

Fibromyalgia also comes with a lot of fatigue and sleep problems.  A friend of mine who also has fibromyalgia can’t get enough sleep no matter how tired she is and I am always sleeping.  I feel like I’m sleeping my life away.  I want to get up in the morning and see the sun shining in my windows and feel the fresh air at dawn……. but many times I wake up in the afternoon after going to bed early and sleeping all night and I still feel tired.  Sometimes I have slept a full 24 hours at a time.  I slept through Thanksgiving and Christmas and my husband made the holiday dinners.

Fibromyalgia is also coupled with many other problems.  I had no idea that these problems I had were all related.  I have RLS (Restless Leg syndrome)  and migraines which are some of them.  I have horrible dry eyes and have to put ointment in my eyes at night and heavy oil drops in my eyes during the day.  That is also connected to Fibromyalgia as well as being highly sensitive to medications and everything else.  I can’t handle the recommended doses of the medications they use to treat Fibromyalgia or I would be sleeping all day all the time.  I also am allergic to a lot of soaps and cleaners and get random, unexplained rashes.  There are many other things that are also related conditions but really, the point that I am trying to make is how hard this is on the people who have this.  It seems as if they are falling apart at the seams and many people think it’s all in their heads…… or that they have become a hypochondriac.  People start to distance themselves from them and they feel alone.  I should say I feel alone.  When friends are going hiking I can’t go because even walking around the block is a challenge for me.  I can’t go skiing because I have even more pain when I get cold.  Just going outside to get in my car in winter time causes me to have too much pain so I miss going to church and most of the time my husband does all the shopping so I can stay home and warm.  Even the walking around in the grocery store  is hard for me now but I used to love some of these things.  I used to be normal! I used to love riding my bike really fast and far….  I loved walking my dog down to the river.  I never had any of these problems until 3 or 4 years ago.  Slowly over time it has grown into a huge Elephant standing between me and normalcy.

The hardest thing(s) about having Fibromyalgia has been losing my job and losing my friends…. being socially alienated. I loved my job as a CNA/Endo Tech  but had to quit because I didn’t want to harm anyone.  A CNA is strength and support for someone that is weak, someone who doesn’t make errors when performing tests or taking biopsies or other specimens.  Someone who is sure when they are scared.  I was when I started but then I became weak and less sure of myself.  I was always exhausted with dark circles under my eyes and my hands shook making patients unsure of me.  When I was in pain my thinking wasn’t clear.  I worried that I would make a mistake or let someone fall.  So I quit the best job I ever had.  Now I am a “stay at home mom” to 2 teenage boys that no longer need me.  Actually, a lot of the time it seems as if the roles have been reversed.  When I can’t get out of bed one of my boys will make and bring me something to eat.  My youngest son has taken it upon himself to make sure I drink enough water.  Sometimes when I’m having one of my marathon sleeping sessions my oldest son will wake me up with a bowl of soup or sandwich or my youngest son will have a bottle of water for me – telling me I haven’t drank anything for x amount of  hours.

I’m not telling you this so you will feel sorry for me.  I’m telling you this because there are other people who have this too…maybe you work with them or maybe they are even part of your family.  Maybe you think they are crazy.  According to the National Arthritis Foundation, “The typical fibromyalgia patient is a woman between the ages of 30 and 50 years. Prevalence studies in the United States indicate that fibromyalgia affects about three to five percent of adult women and about 0.5 percent of adult men. Prevalence increases with age but the syndrome is also seen in children.”  If you think about how many people there are that is actually quite a lot!  So if you know someone with this PLEASE be considerate.  Be there for them.  Don’t let them hurt alone – in silence.  It is hard enough to deal with the pain and all of the issues without feeling like you have no friends or loved-ones who understand.

Below is a poem that I wrote when I was in horrible pain.  Back before the doctors had figured out what it was.  This was a very low point in time for me and many other people feel this too.

Broken

I’m broken
My body ebbs with pain
Never ceasing
Never tame

I want to be whole again
And do my part
Help shoulder the burden
That I helped start

From where I sit
I see things undone
I’m taunted, haunted
By things undone

I pray for relief
I long to break free
Let me out of this prison
that no one can see

I’m broken
Wondering why
Please dear God
Hear my cry

Copywrite Donna Capps

AKA Kay Raisy

Snow

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It’s only -26 F outside right now…  brrr.  I actually went outside for a minute because I really wanted to take a good picture for my picture project.  I bundled up in my huge puppy parka and probably looked like a freak outside in my furry hooded parka, pink pajama pants and fuzzy black house slippers.  I took several pictures but the sky is really kinda grey and clouded over.  I ended up using this one…  I really like the wood grain.  It’s not a bad picture considering I used my iphone.

Fence post  on 365 Project

The first thing on my new years list that I’ve been really focusing on  is sorting through my music.  I’m going through my itunes list.  My husband has the whole house networked and moved everyone’s music into one place.  My last computer suddenly fried so when he set up my itunes on this one he dumped ALLLLLLLL of the music into it.  Many of the files are duplicated….sometimes 3 or 4 times.  Now I know that means that there are probably duplicate FILES that are taking up space but I’m not taking that on right now.  I’m just trying to put some order to my music, get rid of all the crappy music I didn’t download and change all the genre’s to what I like them to be.  I don’t need 500 different genres.  It’s actually been fun listing to music the past several days…..except for when I’ve spaced out and not really been listening for the last  hour or so and have to go back.   I’ve deleted a lot already and I’ve found some damaged files.  I have learned that I really detest R&B but that I just can’t delete Alicia Keys.   I just wonder who downloaded that if I didn’t hmmmmm?   I’ve also been going through paper stuff still.  I ended up taking a huge siesta yesterday and not finishing.  I need to get my table back.

I did start reading a book.  One of the things on my list is to read one book that I already have every month and to then part with said book.  I’m reading The Chase by Clive Cussler.  A friend of mine was reading some of his books and commented in goodreads.com how great they were.  I checked them out and they look really good….all of them.  I have this crazy hang up that I can’t read a book out of order even if the books don’t have to be read in order like these.  I also want to have every book in a series before I start.  In the case of Clive Cussler he has several different series that all look good so I have been hording his books trying to complete the entire collection before I start reading.  So I have this copy paper box full of his books and I still don’t have them all because I’m broke and buying them all second hand.  The first book I grabbed was actually “The Wrecker”.  It has a really interesting cover and I thought it was the first in that series.  I grabbed it and a cup of tea and ran a hot bath.  I got cozy and opened the book and read the quick synopsis on the first page.  Then, right below that was this reviewer saying the previous book was really good.  UGH, I got the wrong book.  I tried to talk myself into reading it anyway since everyone has told me they can be read in any order but no….  I had to get up, grab my robe and find the right book.  So far The Chase is looking really good.

My journal isn’t finished yet because I need my table.  I have pieces and parts and really want to work on it.  I’ve got a lot to do.  It’s a good thing I have a whole year.

365 Project

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While trotting the blogusphere yesterday I found this blog called Twyste.  It’s a great blog and I’ve already gotten a few bright ideas from there.  I had already started this check list of things to do in the coming year (I got that idea from my friend Rita at Soulcomfort (another great blog).  Then I saw on Twyste that she had a “drop in the bucket list”.  I love that!  These things are pretty small compared to say sky diving or swimming with killer sting rays so that is the perfect name.  I saw some things in common on our lists too.  I finally got mine typed up today since I’m working on my 2012 journal.  My journal will be half a (8.5×11 inch) sheet of paper and right now my list is two pages long.  I’m using card stock to print my lists right now.  I don’t have a good program on this laptop for making nice documents so I’m limited to using google docs.  I can’t download anything either because I don’t have enough room.  Anyway, that will just make me have to get more creative.  But basically I’m going to be doing a lot of organizing and purging!  I am a list maker too so I actually have more lists that fall under some of these things.  I’ll save that insanity for myself.

Okay, so here is my “drop in the bucket list”  hehe

  • Make a birthday list and send birthday cards

  • Make gifts for birthday’s and Christmas

  • Clean and organize kitchen – toss odd or old dishes

  • Clean and organize dining area/sewing table Put things in tubs so they can be easy brought out and put back away

  • Clean and organize my room

  • Clean and organize my bathroom

  • Clean and organize main bathroom

  • Clean and organize front closet

  • Clean and organize linen closet

  • Organize projects (knit/crochet etc) so they can be easily pulled out to work on

  • Organize books

  • Purge books (5 books every quarter)

  • Read 1 book each month (that I already own)

  • Read every ensign magazine each month

  • Sew something for myself to wear

  • Sew a bag/purse

  • Make shower curtain for main bath

  • Clean and organize the garage

  • Paint my room

  • paint my bathroom

  • Start a daycare

  • Organize my art stuff

  • Organize sewing stuff/Project Linus

  • Organize my craft stuff

  • Organize my yarn – use stash!

  • Organize craft folders

  • Organize fabric

  • Plant a Garden

  • Donate veggies from my garden to the rescue mission

  • Super clean my fish tank once a month

  • Organize all of my music

  • Clean/de-clutter crawlspace

  • Organize pictures (digital, film)

  • Develop unprocessed film

  • Make at least one picture album

  • Paint 12 pictures that I’m proud of

  • Track and cut down on Grocery spending

  • Finish Jennifer’s baby blanket

  • Finish shawl for Penny

  • Make something for Angie’s birthday in March

  • Work on Genealogy

  • Clean up gardening junk and flower pots in back yard

  • Work on Project Linus blankets twice a week

  • Deliver Project Linus blankets every month

    The most recent blog post on the Twyste blog is about the 356 project which involves taking a picture every day.  It looks really cool.  I just signed up – a day late but I posted something for the 1st.  Check out my 365 project below.  It will probably remind you of yesterday’s post LOL

New Years Fireworks by Donna · 365 Project.

New Years Fireworks on 365 Project

And we’ll take a cup o’ kindness yet

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New years is upon us and it is time to think of what we want this year to bring.  I don’t really like to make lists of resolutions like most people because they are so easily forgotten and usually under the rug by the end of January.  I have made the lists before only to find them years later still in the notebook I wrote them in.  I realized that not only did I forget about them but that I pretty much made the same resolutions year after year.  So, at least it is clear to me what I want…. well on December 31st anyway.  I do make personal commitments that I work towards though.  Not like I’m going to read 100 books this year but I’m going to read MORE.  I don’t make a resolution to lose weight but a commitment to eat healthier and to exercise regularly since those things go hand in hand.  I decide what is important to me and work to make it a priority – a habit! –  during the year and most importantly I RESOLVE to never ever quit.  If I mess up I have to get back up and go again.  My piano teacher taught me that.

It takes 21 days to make a habit right?  Read this blog entry titled “A New Habit” written by Steven Aitchison on his blog called  “Change your thoughts, Change your life”.  I’ve read several things about this but usually books or magazines so this is what I found online.  Of course you could read “The 7 habits of highly effective people” by Steven Covey.  I thought this article was a little funny actually.  While reading it I had this picture of trying to  “con” my conscience.   He says “If you tell your mind you want to try something for 21 days it won’t be so unwilling to co-operate.”  I was thinking…. can’t my mind read my mind?  LOL  Anyway, it’s the point that counts right?

So I’m going to work on my list (probably updating this post a few times) and use January to get started.  I’m going to use my refrigerator to remind me of what is important to me and also make a journal to keep track of my progress.

My 2012 Commitments

This year I promise myself that I will…..

  • Read the scriptures every day and pray.
  • Attend church whenever possible, even if only for sacrament.
  • Write every day (journal, blog, write poetry, write letters or send a card, write on toilet paper before I flush it… whatever it takes. [hmmm, that must be how you send a letter to hell?  ya think?])
  • Paint or draw (or play with whatever medium I choose) everyday possible (if I’m sick I’m not stressing about it)
  • Refuse to say the “F word”  (I have Fibromyalgia  and it has rearranged my life but I’m not going to let it rule me anymore.  My middle name isn’t Fibromyalgia and my blog isn’t about illness.  Subject change commencement  happening now….  Positivity deployment happening in 3-2-1….
  • Keep in touch with friends and family (write letters, email, facebook, CALL!)
  • Finish what I start (and all the things I’ve already started.) AND not to start new things before finishing what I’m working on.
  • Read more and give away my books.  I have way too many!  Buy KINDLE BOOKS!
  • Learn, develop, grow! (I can’t be a CNA anymore but I CAN do something and I still have the knowledge I gained.  I want to work with kids, I want to be an artist! and I will.)
  • Organize my stuff and stop buying new stuff until I get what I have in order.  USE what I have!  Especially YARN – holy crocheted baloney!
  • Exercise every day if I can, even if its only for 5 minutes.  Stretch when I can’t do more.
  • Eat healthy and drink water.

First off I am going to write more.  I’ve already decided that I’m going to join NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) for January and blog every day.   Oddly enough, National Blog Posting Month can be any and every month of the year and I’m going to try to do every month this year.  I enjoy writing and it is very therapeutic for me.  I participated in November and really enjoyed it.  I especially enjoyed the visits and comments from other members.  Feedback is always a good thing.

I will probably join the Art every day challenge again but like I said, no stress if I’m ill that day.  I can’t help what I can’t control.